Sappy

I won’t spend much time describing the drama that set these events in motion – all you need to know is that my ex moved to PA to live with his dad’s family, it was a bad scene, so he left in a hurry on Wednesday night. I was very freaked out at the possibility of having him stay with me since the last time he visited I was a mess for days. I tried to get him to stay elsewhere, but in the end he came to stay with me until he leaves for TX to go live with his mom’s family.

Since he left in a hurry, he left a bunch of stuff behind in PA. He specifically mentioned “sentimental items.” I immediately thought about the socks and hat I made for him and it got me really upset, thinking of them discarded and eventually thrown out. I had knit love into those items and wishes and hopes for a better future, comfort for when he thought of me and all of the good times we had. I eventually worked up the courage to ask him if he had managed to take them with him when he left. He did! I started bawling with relief. I felt very rejected at the end of our marriage and he had said in the past that he wasn’t using the socks or hat because they reminded him too much of what happened – I guess only knitters (and probably crafty divorced folk) can understand why this makes me feel so much better and less rejected.

Mitt Pics

These are the mitts I made for Misty! I made the tops extra long so you can scrunch your fingers all inside if its really cold or cuff it back to keep it out of the way. I was headed over to Chris and Misty's to watch Carnivale and brought these along to finish ... I was sitting there working and she very shyly asked if she could "put in an order" - she was so excited when I told her there was no need, she would have a pair before her next cigarette!

Kenny and Carry were also there. Kenny is another Alabama transplant who could use some handknits, but it is harder to come up with an idea for him. I was thinking a black hat that had a Saints logo incorporated, but I am having a hard time finding a chart for a fleur de lys! Gah!

Scott was there too - I need to think of something to make him - he is awesome AND he appreciates handknits! I always have such a hard time coming up with things for guys.

Mitts for Misty

I keep postponing posting about these mitts because I keep meaning to take a picture of them to put in the post, but I somehow manage to keep forgetting to take a picture. Gah! Enough of this madness - I will post the picture when they are done!

Not one, but TWO of my friends have found significant others who come from Alabama - both of these wonderful folks packed up and moved to NJ this past fall. Right in time for one of the more consistently cold winters we have had in a while! I am not going to pretend that NJ has much in common with the Yukon Territory in terms of temps and snowfall, but its been a bit stepped up so far this winter and it is a LOT harsher than what you would expect in Alabama.

My friend Misty moved up here in the beginning of October - she is cheerful and friendly and a real sweetheart! One day we were on the porch to sneak a cigarette (don't judge! divorce stress! ack! sometimes its the only thing that quiets the voices telling me to KILLKILLKILL! :) ) and I pulled on my fingerless mitts. I asked her if she had gloves or mittens and said she did, but couldn't smoke with them on. That is when I decided to cast on some mitts for her!

At least I had the forethought not to mention it to her because I am a notorious slacker and had no idea when I would actually cast on, let alone complete, the mitts. As of now, I am nearly finished with the thumb gusset - shouldn't be too much longer and hopefully I can get them done by Saturday night when I am heading over there to visit!

Mitts are made from Lion Brand WoolEase in a green color that is flecked with a bit of gold - it wears well and I don't have to terrify anyone by telling them what I will do to them if they felt things I make for them. And I have a ton of it in left over in my stash. Works out well for everyone!

First FO of 2010!

Happy New Year! This hat is my first finished object of the new year and I really love the fact that it is for me! Perhaps this is an auspicious sign that this year I am going to be kind to myself and make sure I go after the things I want and need. The yarn is very lofty and warm and soft – though the alpaca hairs got ALL OVER my black tee shirt and the dark blue couch! LOL But I have a new hat! And its awesome! I enjoyed the cabling – it was very straightforward and came out looking great. At first I was concerned that the halo of the yarn would hide the details, but it really didn’t – I am very pleased.

Ah! One more thing – when I cast on for this I was having trouble holding tension (I knit continental and wrap the yarn around my left fingers.) This was really strange and confusing until I remembered that my left hand used to have a ring on it. Ugh – happy thoughts! Lovely. But I decided not to be a drama queen about it, wandered over to my jewelry box and popped on a big amber ring I bought for myself years ago at the German Alps Festival up at Hunter Mountain, NY. I fell in love with it when I saw it and just had to have it. I remember the day and the fun I had with my family, singing along to the Schnitzelbank and eating wurst! Upstate NY is my favorite corner of the world – you know how people say they need to go to their “happy place” when they are stressed out? Well, Hunter NY (Elka Park if you want to be technical about it) is my happy place! I have work and things are nuts so I can’t actually get there right now, but it’s like a little piece of my happy place wrapped around my finger! AND it gives me great yarn tension! LOL

ME!!!

I have been restless and a bit lonely this week. (Nothing bad! Really!!!) I am just getting used to living alone. I've never lived alone before and while the freedom to do as I like is nice, I am not used to it. I figured that maybe casting on for a new project for ME might help with that. Not that I don't have a ton of projects on the needles already, but there are a few I am considering frogging, and I am not really in the mood to work on the others. Casting on for this hat last night did help me feel a bit calmer and happier about having time to myself, but it also helped in another way that I couldn't have predicted.

I bought this yarn (Berroco Ultra Alpaca) last winter with the intentions of making booties for some friends. Obviously, that never happened. So the skein sat in the stash basket. Call me weird, but I really like the color brown - its just such a soft, comfy color. And its Alpaca (and wool)!!! I kept looking at it and trying to figure out what to do with it. Well, work was slow yesterday so I was poking around for patterns on Ravelry - I searched by yarn properties and Garmisch popped up. It's been in my queue forever, about time I get to making it! And even though I love my slouchy blue hat, I deserve more than one hat to pick from - I am a knitter, damnit, and I am an awesome knitter - time to make something really funky for myself!

I grabbed the skein, and popped it onto my brand new swift (my brother got it for me for Xmas! best brother EVAR!) and started winding. This is going to sound dumb and melodramatic, but it was one of those moments where I was able to take a step back and see just how much my life has changed and just how good those changes are for me. Because there I was winding my yarn in the room that used to be STBX's office, a room that used to get me eyerolls, sighs and cranky faces if I walked into it or even stood in the door. Most of the contents of that room left with him, but for almost 10 years, it was his domain, and for the last year it has been a place where I have not been welcome. But I am reclaiming the room - making it into my space. When I got the swift (its a beautiful wooden umbrella swift) I decided I wanted to have it up permanently, the only logical place was in that room. When he left, it made room for the real me to come back. It also made room to surround myself with things that I love. So there I was - in that moment it changed from "the room that used to be his office" to "my sitting room." I am now aching to get some art on the walls and complete the transformation!

Needs to be said ...

Well, if you are reading this, chances are this is not news to you - my husband and I are getting a divorce. We dated for 10 years before we got married, lived together for 5 of those, but we couldn’t make it to the 5 year wedding anniversary – I am heartbroken. I hate that our marriage couldn't work. I hate that every vision I had for my future is now off the table. Its confusing and painful, but ultimately for the best. It's still kind of a shock to me.

In the past year I made two things for him – I was very pleased with the way they came out. He did take them with him when he left – not sure if he uses them or not, but they were awesome and deserve some mention. I was very proud of both - I did excellent work and the intended recipient shouldn't taint that. Those socks were made to match a sweater I used to love seeing him wear - a great cranberry color that went so well with his dark hair and brown eyes. I think taking this picture was the only time he ever put these socks on. He says that they were tight. I offered to make another pair, he declined the offer. When he was packing to leave I came across them and told him that if he didn't want them it was okay, he should leave them. but he wanted them. I know better than to read anything into that - I doubt its sentimental ... he didn't want any pictures or mementos from our 15 years together. But I remember being so thrilled picking out the yarn (they were the second pair of socks I ever made - I used Cascade 220 superwash), I remember knitting them and being excited about giving them to him - they remind me of better times. They remind me of how much I loved him.

The other item was a hat - its made of Malabrigo Silky Merino in the colorway Smoke. I saw it at the LYS and fell in love with it. And he was there when I found it - it was a nice day together, actually. We had just coming from one of his doctors appointments and we stopped in at the LYS on the way home (I needed some yarny love.) He was patient and sweet while I poked around - everyone there was jealous of the awesome husband who was smiling and pleasant and even encouraging me to get more yarn. The first skein I bought I made the Odessa hat with - it had spiraling ribs. It was made for him, but it turned out a bit femme (IMO). He happily wore it nonetheless, but I thought he deserved something a little more his style. In the past he loved my knits and always complimented my work - I wanted something really special for him. So I got another skein and started work on this Cousteau cap. I started it when things were still good, but by the time I finished, things were really bad. I stopped working on it because I used to knit things for people only when I was feeling happy about them, but there just weren't enough good times to get it finished. i still wanted him to have it though. When it came off the needles, just a few weeks before we decided to separate, he thanked me for it and tried it on. When we separated he mentioned that it would be good - he needed a warm hat. He forgot to take it with him when he left, but when he came back for more stuff I had the hat in his pile and he asked "Am I supposed to take this?" Um, yeah. I almost snatched it back, but no - it was for him, I was proud of it and I hope it keeps him warm.

So there it is. Part of me wants those items back - doesn't want him to have their comfort, is worried that they are not comforting and are going unused and unloved. The other part of me hopes that he will use them, love them and think of better times between us when he wears them. But they are his now, to do with as he pleases.

Its been a long time!

Wow - my last post was over a year ago! That Starghan? Finished! The baby it was destined for? Born! (Healthy and adorable!) Here they are together! LOL

I started this blog to keep better track of my projects, but my life got a bit hectic ... right around the time I stopped posting. But I am determined to get past all of that and get back to doing the things I love. A wonderful woman (a talented fiber artist, fine artist and potter herself!) gave me the kick in the pants I needed to get back on track with this.

I am not sure where I am taking this ... there will probably be some retro posts (I slowed down with the knitting, but didn't stop - there are projects that aren't even mentioned here!) and some new things that are on the needles as we speak! Getting back here is a big step in getting my life back to normal - thank you, M, for reminding me we are on a journey and its time for me to get moving!!!